Jan 21

Lucha Britannia – New Year New Fear – 18-01-2013 – By Georgy Bloomfield

Lucha Britannia – New Year New Fear

Resistance Gallery, Bethnal Green, London

18th January 2013


Spirits were high as another packed to the rafter’s crowd readied to kick off Lucha Britannia’s first show of 2013. Despite the snow, that seems to have brought the rest of London to a standstill, the advertised “hottest place in London” delivered as promised. The crowd – which could be more accurately described as revellers or to quote Lucha Britannia’s Resident MC, Benjamin Louche, “Broken Bone Enthusiasts” were not dissuaded from their unusual mix of costumes, masks and vintage glam. The ever lovely Justine Cager was on hand to present their first TV taping and Louche’s always entertaining opening preamble was received with cheers and a resounding chant, LUCHA! LUCHA! LUCHA!…..

Match 1: 5 Way Elimination Match: kicking off the show with one of Lucha’s favourite villains Sir Reginald Windsor accompanied Lady Windsor, looking viciously elegant as always; Disco Diablo; La Mosca Cojonaru; The Fabulous Bakewell Boys – Jerry Bakewell accompanied to the ring by Steakley (who remained on commentary for the rest of the show); Lagarto Del Plata: Highlights included a 3 on 2 suplex received by Windsor and Plata and a well executed combo to Jerry Bakewell who was monkey flipped into a flying cross body. A quick succession of eliminations wherein Windsor elim. Cojonaru, Plata elim. Bakewell and Diablo elim. Plata. Sir Reginald Windsor pinned Disco Diablo for the win following a German suplex after Diablo was distracted on the top rope by interference from Lady Windsor.

At this time Louche introduces us to the Glamazonial Superbabes, Amy Flame and Viva Ruin; Medical Bitch Nurse Mason; Referee Shiro Yoshida and reluctantly and last his co-commentator, thealways hated Douglas Douglas Rockefeller, who  puts on an awful dance showing for his less than appreciating fans before announcing the evening’s second match…

Match 2: Ultimo Perversio – complete with gimp mask is introduced fully with his 3 perversions before attempting to violate DDR for the amusement of the revellers, to their dismay he was cut off with a beating by Los Hooligans before Transexico made the save. The bell is rung and a tag team match ensues. I have to say that Steakley Bakewell’s commentary was as entertaining as the match, including “nothing says I love you like a flying pervert”. The Perverts hit the Eiffel Tower but are cut off with a double low blow for their efforts. The perverts take the win after a double suplex followed by a “face sitting” by Transexico to Hooligan No.2, the crowd go berserk for their favourite…. TRANI TRANI TRANI!!!

Time for the first of Lucha Britannia’s infamous Mucho Cabaret Sinistro’s with the gyrating, undulating Chi-Chi Revolver and her scantily clad hula hoop display.

Match 3: Ukulele Match – Estupido vs Leon Britannico: Leon puts on his patented high velocity match including crowd dives, taking vicious whips into the ladders from the despised “Peado”. Massive suplex by Leon from the top of the ladder to the mat, eliciting an all encompassing wincing from the entire gallery. Leon reaches the top and with a little difficulty frees the Ukulele just in time to exact justice to Estupido.


Match 4: Fatal 3 Way – Dark Britannico accompanied by Zombie Janey Britannico and Dom Dominoso; Il Pirana; Metallico: The villains start with a double team to crowd favourite Metallico before Il Pirana is disqualified for a low blow having returned from a previous ban. Voodoo from Dominoso over Metallico prevented him from obtaining a 3 count before being accosted by Zombie Janey, who almost falls foul of a choke slam but manages to escape by biting her way out. Dark Britannico wins by pinfall after a 450 moonsault from the top rope.

Mucho Cabaret Sinistro from Fancy Chance: “the love child of Sulu and Uhura” an erotic interpretive dance and strip tease starting with theme from Star Trek.

Main Event: My MOTN: Santeria accompanied by Dom Dominoso and Zombie Janey Britannico we are immediately informed that Janey wants a pet and the clear intention is to capture Santeria’s opponent, the one man pussy riot, The Bengal Tiger: Hugely entertaining match which the crowd did not stop chanting for their Tiger! Santeria attempts a massive choke slam, which the Bengal Tiger flipped into an attempted rana and over into a sunset flip but to no avail, Santeria follows with another choke slam but the Tiger kicks out and follows up with a kitty kat attack, but this could not keep Santeria down and after a choke slam from the middle rope the Bengal Tiger is pinned. Santeria attempts to remove his mask for the voodoo spell that will make him Janey’s but Metallico comes to his aide, Dark Britannico attempts to intervene and is thwarted by the Barman!!! A veritable battle of good and evil ensues; Sir Reginald Windsor, Il Pirana, Los Hooligans, Estupido, La Mosca Cojonaru on the dark side. Transexico, Disco Diablo and Jerry Bakewell to the defence of the Bengal Tiger, Metallico and their trusty Barman and clear house!!!

Louche asks us all to tune in next month for the next exciting episode of Lucha Britannia to cheers of



By Georgy Bloomfield